The Party Formerly Known as "Democrat"

From "Hope and Change" to "Hope and PRAY"

Does the congress that prays together, stay together?

Appealing to a higher power, other than Big-O, seems to be the only option left -- for the left. (Pun intended)

With health care reform legislation hanging by a surgical thread, it seems that both liberal leaders have decided to bypass “the one,” to speak directly to “The One.”

Dingy Harry looks like he has it down, but Fancy Nancy seems to be having a little problem with her form.

Like my mom always told me in church; "Keep those eyes shut when praying young man, or God won’t hear your prayers."

Top ten reasons why Nancy can’t shut her eyes:

10. She didn’t have a mom like mine.
9. She hasn’t been able to close her eyes since her last surgery.
8. She’s watching to make sure someone sees her praying
7. She’s watching to make sure someone doesn’t see her praying.
6. She’s paranoid -- she thinks someone is watching her.
5. She’s looking for Glenn Beck in the crowd.
4. She’s afraid of the dark.
3. She's a zombie.
2. She’s been up all night reading the 1900+ page health care bill and her eyes are stuck open.
1. She actually thinks she can stare down God!

Dingy Harry Calls On a Higher Power

Oh king of kings and lord of lords, please hear the prayer of your humble and faithful servant.
Be merciful and forgive me for my transgressions.
Give me the strength to overcome my enemies.
Guide my steps in this difficult task.
Deliver to me the votes I need.
I pray this in the name above all names.

"Barack Obama"

AMEN!

Obama poised to receive second Nobel Prize

In an attempt to appease its critics for a longstanding tradition of awarding their most honorable prizes to the most undeserving liberals, the Norwegian Nobel Committee has announced a new Nobel Prize category specifically designed to reward the “truly” deserving.

The unprecedented move by the committee sent shock waves throughout the liberal world community with its announcement of a new Nobel Prize category. The Norwegian Nobel Committee is set to unveil their newest prize, the “Nobel Peter Principle Prize,” by announcing its first recipient sometime next month.

The prize will be awarded to the most deserving recipient being promoted, elected or appointed to a global executive or leadership position. The recipient of the highly coveted “Nobel Peter Principle Prize” will have demonstrated complete incompetence as an executive world leader resulting in at least one major global catastrophe such as the collapse of a major economy.

Insiders and unnamed sources are giving a “thumbs-up” to President Barack Hussein Obama to become the first recipient of the “Nobel Peter Principle Prize” sighting his bumbling attempt as the new leader of the free world and his colossal failure to restore America’s economic stability. Sources also point to his latest fiasco to procure the Olympics for Chicago as being the “icing on the cake” that will ultimately produce the “Prize” pay off for the truly deserving young President of the United States.

No word yet from Big-O about his possible second Nobel Prize.

Obama "Ogling" New Health Reform Programs

When asked about the rampant porn surfing at the taxpayer-funded National Science Foundation (NSF), Big-O declaired that the porn surfing was actually an intragal part of his Health Care reform plan. Citing a study in the New England Journal of Medicine, Big-O said there was scientific evidence that “Ogling” a woman’s breasts, “gets the heart pumping and improves circulation.” When given a report from Snopes showing the study to be a hoax, Big-O shrugged it off saying, “I’m not sure who this Snopes guy is, but it always gets my heart pumping and I stand by the program.” Topless Tuesdays are now in effect at all government agencies.

Obama Dangerfield – Looking for Respect!

With all his upcoming TV appearances and most polls showing Americans getting Obama fatigue, maybe Big-O should think seriously about changing his delivery this time.

If he's going to play the victim, he might as well play the part all the way.

It would be refreshing, as well as a huge rating improvement, to see Big-O pull a Rodney Daingerfield, “I get no respect” routine on the Letterman show. No, seriously. I’d love to see an actual comedy routine by the President, selling his health care plan in the spirit of America’s favorite loveable victim – Rodney Dangerfield.

How about it America? I know I would watch – maybe even Tivo the entire bit. What do you want to bet it would be the most watched Obama appearance ever? A real Youtube extravaganza! It would be interesting to see how it would play out, given that Americans always love a good laugh.

For a quick tease of Monday’s Letterman show, here is about the 5 minutes of President Obamafield’s late-night routine.

So conger-up your best Dangerfield impression, picture our prime time President, grab that tie, start jerking around a little, and get started.

Ladies and gentleman…the President of the United States – Barack Obamafield!!!

“I gotta tell ya America…I get no respect.”

“I was in the green room trying to get a coke -- the machine kept blinking…NO CHANGE – NO CHANGE - NO CHANGE!”

“Last night I prayed to God to hear the voice of America more clearly…I woke up with bigger ears!”

“Yesterday I told Rahm Emanuel we need to make this health care plan stand out more…he stuck a dead fish in the bill.”

“I told Rahm I wanted America to look at me differently tonight…he gave me his leotard to wear.”

“No respect!”

“I threw out the first pitch at the all-star game…I got an invitation to the Special Olympics – to participate!”

“Last night I caught my daughter telling a fib, I told her she should always tell the truth”…she said, “Like Joe Wilson does?”

“I get no respect!”

“I told the Surgeon general this health care debate is killing me”…she said, “Relax - have a cigarette.”

“Wanda Sykes told me Rush Limbaugh needs a kidney transplant…I’m the only match!”

“No respect!”

“Kathleen Sebelius suggested dropping health care reform all together.” I said, “Over my dead body.” She said, “is that shovel ready?”

“Before I came out, my staff told me this routine would kill…like your health care plan!”

“I tell ya America, I get no respect!”

Now that’s the kind of performance I expect from a real celebrity President. How about you?

Care to play America?

Big-O says, "You can roll first - go ahead."

Double-Click image to enlarge.

Leave my ACORN alone!

Big-O says, "Step away from my ACORN and no one gets hurt. I'm serious - step away!"

FULL STORY

Maybe Obama can’t help himself

Big-O needs the Senate to pass legislation to raise the federal debt limit to over $12 Trillion Dollars to accommodate his out of control spending addiction.

Problem is – it’s our money he’s spending!

The only 12 Big-O should get is a 12-step “Debtors Anonymous Recovery Program.”

Can you say, INTERVENTION!

Don't Fear the Reaper?

Big-O goes to Hawaii to visit his ailing grandmother and soon after - she dies.

He heads off to Massachusetts for vacation where the ailing Senator Kennedy lives and soon after - Kennedy dies.

An urgent message from Senator Byrd to Big-O: “Stay the hell out of West Virginia!”

Crime Pays in Big-O's Stimulus Plan!

Big-O's stimulus plan to spread the wealth has no boundaries.

Federal stimulus checks were sent to almost 4,000 inmates including murderers and rapists.

Earlier in the year, stimulus checks were also sent to thousands of dead people.

Road Trip!

Big-O's "Health-Insurance-Reform-Now” bus is heading to a congressional district near you. Driven by Nancy “Fireball” Pelosi and her copilot, Harry “Reckless” Reid, this “magic bus” will be chock full of health care reform supporters including real grass root thugs from ACORN and SEIU, all bought and paid for by three well known bipartisan political organizations, the DNC, Organizing for America, and Health Care for America Now. Their hit-and-run mission is to show America that wavering Democrat congressional representatives and anti-government health care supporters can’t out run the Obama's “magic bus.”

I never said math was my strong suit...

What's the big deal?

I was only off by 2...

Trillion that is.

Semper fi

"Oath? Did I take an oath?"
Congressman Brian Baird (D)


Big-O said, "This isn't the kind of change I was hoping for.

"All Wee Weed Up"

Big-O believes people are all "wee weed up" over his policies.

Actually, Americans are not all "wee weed up," they're all "wee weed off" because...

they've all been "wee weed on" by the President.

Obama Goes Postal For Government Run Health Care!

Big-O knows how well things run at the post office, so why wouldn’t every American jump at the idea of a government run health care system just like it. Never any long lines, always plenty of stamps, no rude service providers, convenient locations, ample hours of operation and all the service windows are always open and ready for loyal patrons.

If only the DMV were as efficient.

Cash for Seniors

Tired of visiting the retirement home when you could have been out playing golf? How about all those long hours spent in the doctor’s waiting room when you could have been getting things done at home, or spending all your hard earned vacation money to pay for up-fitting your spare room to meet an elderly parent’s needs?

Thanks to President Obama, those are worries of the past!

The “Cash for Clunkers” program was such a success that the Obama administration is planning a new health care supplemental program called, “Cash for Seniors.”

The Cash for Seniors program will allow individuals and families to get out from under the staggering costs and burden of taking care of an elderly relative.

The program will give an initial tax credit of $10,000 for every qualified senior remitted to the government, as well as a $2,500 tax credit for every year thereafter that the senior is alive. There is a limit of four senior credits per household.

To qualify for the Cash for Seniors program, the prospective senior must be an immediate relative, currently live in or near the United States, have a legal social security number, breath on their own, be 90% coherent and have been insured for the past two years.

Qualified participants and seniors will relinquish all familial, financial and inheritance rights to the federal government. Seniors will be housed in one of our state of the art government senior centers throughout the United States and Puerto Rico.

The Cash for Seniors program is designed with several goals in mind. The program will stimulate an ailing economy by putting money back into the pockets of hard working Americans through increased productivity by allowing formerly time-strapped caregivers the ability to maintain full-time work and finally enjoy quality leisure time again. The program will also reduce health care costs by putting seniors on a fully funded government “end of life” managed care program that not only gives them a better quality of life, but immediate relief from unappreciative family caregivers. This much-needed program gives both caregivers and seniors the peace and dignity they truly deserve.

So grab granny and gramps and that crazy old aunt you have been so inconvenienced with all these years and head on down to the government center to see if they qualify. Or just log onto www.cashforseniors.gov and apply online.

* If this program works as well as expected, keep an eye out for the following programs as they become available:

Cash for Newborns

Cash for Homeless

Cash for Cripples

Cash for Illegals

Cash for Rednecks

Cash for Conservatives

Cash for Obese

Cash for Indigents

It’s Beer:30 at the White House!

Big-O can’t wait to swill a few cold ones with his leftist Harvard buddy Henry Gates and talk about the good ol’ days. Don’t worry FOP, Big-O plans to humor Sgt. Crowley every now and then with a wink and a nod to make him feel right at home - just don't expect an apology. At the last minute, Big-O decided to invite his "white" VP in the spirit of affirmative action. No word yet if he invited his teleprompter. If all goes well Thursday night, Big-O will invite a representative from Kellogg’s and Michael Phelps to the White House and try to smooth things out over a couple of bong hits. He’s got a three-footer in the oval office closet just waiting to be fired up. Big-O just loves bringing people together.

Please explain what you mean by, “incomplete information”

Let’s be honest here, when it comes to accepting responsibility for his failed economic policies, Big-O said he had “incomplete information.” But when it comes to placing the blame for any “alleged” racial discrimination, Big-O only needs “incomplete information.” I guess you could call it, "Obama-logic."

Obama finds new meaning in going “Abroad”

When Rahmbo asked about the tracking polls in Ohio showing his numbers going down fast, Big-O said "I don't know anything about the numbers in Ohio, but I just caught sight of a fast little number over here. "Giddy up lil' girl from Ipanema!"

Meet "The Detainee Four" Moe, Larry, Curly & Abdulla - Welcome to Paradise!

I have to say, with all due respect, those detainees really know how to live it up.

Check out their Blog and see how a terrorist gets treated under the Obama Presidency - SWEEEEET!

Where’s ACORN when you need them?

Big-O just sent word to ACORN to establish a Tehran branch ASAP! Organize, Organize, Organize!

The Best Summer Ever!

“Wish you were here,” was the message Big-O got from the 4 detainees now at “Club Bermuda.” They went on to say, “We believe the great satan has turned a new leaf. The new “can’t we all get along” terrorist policy rocks! Many thanks to the leader and divine defender of all things Islam – Obama Akbar, Obama Akbar, Obama Akbar!”

Obama’s back on his “Tell them what they want to hear” Town Hall tour.

It’s actually more like a traveling “Snake Oil” salesman passing through town and stopping just long enough to peddle his “cure-all” treatment for what ails you and then skedaddling before the town folk find out they just got took.

Like a smooth talking Snake Oil salesman, Big-O is once again traveling to a town near you selling something that he has no clue what it is or how it actually works. But one thing he’ll tell yawl for sure, “It really works and you need it!”

But this time he has to be mighty careful because the locals tend to be a little skeptical after buying that “Porkulus Elixir” he sold earlier this year which turned out not to work so well.

Step right up America, only several trillion a dose.

I did hear talk that some folks are ready with some tar and feathers if they see that swindler in their town again.

Not Much Time-left Records Presents, Sing Along With Obama & Friends!

You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, but mostly you'll cry to the memorable classics performed by none other than America's new “Hope & Change" President & Friends.

You’ll not soon forget this tortured rendition of that old classic, recently made current by, The “Detainee” Association.
“Along Came Cheney”
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Just try to keep this #1 Deficit Spending hit off your mind, sung by that smooth liberal crooner himself, “Nat King” Obama.
“Unsustainable”
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And everyone’s favorite ballad, originally by the incomparable fake duo, Milli Vanilli and now performed by America’s number one celebrity impostor, Barack “Vanilli”
“Blame it on the Past”
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*Act within the next 30 minutes and you'll receive not one, but two additional sensational, Not Much Time-left classic cuts.

-

You'll get a redundant liberal classic by everyone's favorite teleprompter player, “Berry O'Preston”.
“We’ll keep Goin' Round in Circles”

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Complete your Not Much Time-left collection with another unforgettable #1 hit by that outrageously arrogant super band, Barackman Turner - I'm in Overdrive.

"You Aint Seen Nothin' Yet"
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HURRY, This offer expires on November 4, 2012

Obama Embarrassed by "Blind Justice" Gifts!

In an embarrassing attempt to recoup some “gift giving” credibility after his last two failed attempts, Big-O thought for sure he had nailed it with the three special gifts he personally picked out for his new Supreme Court nominee, Sonia Sotomayor. The trouble started in the oval office before meeting Judge Sotomayor for the first time when Big-O showed Rahmbo the gifts he had picked out for her. First, there was a beautiful sterling silver plate embossed with Judge Sotomayor’s official Supreme Court invitation – in braille. Second, Big-O picked out a beautiful hand crafted ivory cane autographed by non other than, Stevie Wonder. Rahmbo stopped the President, gave a respectful pause and then proceeded to remind Big-O that they had agreed on a nominee that would exemplify “blind justice,” not actually be a “blind” Justice. Big-O stared silently at Rahmbo for a moment and then said, “Damn, O for 3, tell my secretary to grab some CD’s out of the drawer, get rid of the seeing-eye dog and send in Judge Sotomayor.”

A Sixth Sense or Got No Sense?

After the government sent out between 8,000 and 10,000 "stimulus" checks totaling millions of dollars to people who are actually deceased, Big-O started acting very strangely. He was seen in the oval office staring and talking to what seemed to be someone, when in fact, no one was there. During a trip to Capital Hill, Big-O was observed staring down an empty hall for what seemed about 5 minutes as if watching something horrific take place. Last night, Michelle woke up to an empty bed and later found Big-O in the wee hours of the morning in the White House kitchen in a small tent, wide-eyed, shaking with fear and clinging to a flashlight. After an hour or so, she finally coaxed the new President out and tried to calm him as best she could. While tucking Big-O back into bed, Michelle was startled when he stared into her eyes and whispered softly through a whimper. “I pay dead people.”

How ExcruCIAting is Speaker Pelosi?

That’s the question Big-O is asking members of his administration in a memo he sent out today. Specifically, he wants an analogy for Pelosi, in case she doesn't make it, that he can use for his memoirs after his presidency. The responses have been coming in briskly. Rahmbo said, “Dead fish in your tutu.” Geithner replied, “An annual IRS audit.” Biden said, “Smores.” (Big-O hit delete), Hillary said, “Kick in the nads – yours of course.” Ouch. Napolitano said, “Pelosi, what’s wrong with Pelosi?” Secretary Gates said, “Water boarding with Drano.” AG Holder said, “No comment - ever.” And Leon Panetta said, “Like being CIA Director right now.” So far, Big-O has been generally pleased with the responses, but has not committed to anything definite yet.

Karma bites Wanda Sykes and President Obama

It seems that Rush Limbaugh will get the last laugh after comedian Wanda Sykes learned she needs a Kidney transplant. In an attempt at humor during a White House Correspondents Dinner, Wanda Sykes said she wished the popular talk show host’s kidneys would fail. In a bizarre twist of events, Sykes complained of back pain after the dinner and was rushed to a Washington hospital where she learned she needed a kidney transplant. In an even more bizarre turn, Big-o, who thought her bit was “totally funny,” found out this morning that he was the only donor match. Big-O was not available to make a statement but did say he would confer with Rahmbo to see how they could take full advantage of this crisis.

Obama Has Big Idea for Guantanamo

Big-O has finally decided what to do with the detainees being held at Guantanamo. By executive order, the detainee facility at Guantanamo will be kept open indefinitely while Big-O conducts a detainee exchange with current US citizens he deems as “hostile” to America and his administration. Guantanamo will now be the sight for the new "Progressive Re-education Camp" to help US hostiles get their minds right before they are allowed back in America. Of the over 250 detainees to be exchanged, Big-O has identified the top five US citizens on his list of hostiles as: Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, and Joe Biden. These five US citizens will be exchanged for former detainees that Big-O respectfully refers to as; grateful individuals who are eager to come to America so they can express their true feelings for their new found home. The exchange is scheduled for July 4th of this year.

When Pigs Fly!

When Big-o got a briefing from the CDC on the possibility of a swine flue pandemic he only had one statement; “Now this cross between a pig and a bird thing…does that mean those pigs can fly now?”

Obama To Implement New "Torture Friendly" Methods

Big-O asked Napolitano to put together a new “Torture Release Form” for all current and future detainees to keep him out of any legal problems that may come up later. He told Napolitano to include the following questions and statements on the Release Form: Do you believe you will be treated fairly during your torture? Do you have any phobias or fears that would disqualify you from torture, such as: drowning, bugs, Christmas Carols, being called a tattle-tale, etc.? Would you consider yourself as having a high or low threshold for pain…please be specific? Have you ever been tortured before…if so, which procedures did you like or dislike, were successful or not? Would you recommend our services to a fellow combatant? How did you hear about our services? Please leave a daytime phone number in case we need to get back in touch with you. Napolitano told Big-O, "This is exactly what America needs to restore our reputation around the world. Great idea Mr. President!"

"Just Call Me Super B"

Move over all you ordinary Blackberry's... Super-B is in the house! That's right, for more than a million and less than a trillion, Big-O is finally getting his wish. I'm now the most secure BlackBerry in the world! No one knows what I know, no one hears what I hear or sees what I see! (Except all my Bloggin Buddies of course) On behalf of everyone here in Big-O's administration, thank you taxpayers for making this happen.

We really couldn't have done it without you.

Obama's Creation Goes Horribly Wrong

Big-O sounded upset and perplexed in a text message to Axelrod today: "What the hell have we created in this Napolinato woman? I mean, she acts like she just got a jolt of lightning or something with all these rants and reports…what’s she so parodied about? She's running like an angry mob is chasing her with pitchforks and clubs or something.

Geeze…when will these people ever work the way I made them?”

Obama Gets Smart

After his big speech at the CIA yesterday Big-O was so stoked he sent a text to Michelle: “Hey honey, they just made me an honorary spy over at the CIA! They told me it was because I looked so smart. It was great! And everyone really laughed when I accidentally tripped Leon Panetta and said; Sorry about that chief. I didn’t get it... but boy they all really lost it. Maybe you can explain it when I get home.”

Obama's New BFF

Big-O sent a text to Hugo from Air Force One and said; "The whole time I was there, I couldn’t stop thinking how popular you really are…I mean, Danny Glover, Kevin Spacey, Harry Belafonte and the great Sean Penn. I can hardly stand it. What are those guys like? Can we all get together the next time I come down there? You are the man Hugo! Whatever you need just let me know. And I’m calling Oprah about that book you gave me…it's spot on! Maybe we could all make her show together.

How cool would that be?"

Brokeback [Capital] Hill

“I can’t quit you” was the text message Big-O sent to his Teleprompter today. It seems after all the years and speeches together, Big-O finally realizes he must move on and find his own voice. He went on to tell TOTUS, “With so much ridicule from the right, something has to give.” For now it’s just a trial separation, but Big-O knows it’s just a matter of time before it has to end.

Look Into My Eyes...

In a message today to his financial team after his speech at Georgetown University, Big-O said, “I need more recession recovery speeches fast – and keep em coming.” Big-O went on to say, "I need them all to BELIEVE!"

President Obama Goes "Willy Wonka"

In an effort to spur consumer spending, Big-O has decided to use a gimmick he learned from his favorite childhood movie, “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” His idea is to put five “golden dollars” into circulation, each having a picture of Big-O in place of George Washington. He went on to explain how the contest works. These golden dollars are sent out at random into circulation. Whoever finds a golden dollar is entitled to a tour of the factory that no one has ever seen inside of before. (In this case, the Bureau of Engraving and Printing) And, as if that were not enough, they get a lifetime supply of money. Each prizewinner is also allowed to bring a guest to the factory as well. Big-O said; "Now if that doesn't get people out and spending - nothing will!" Turbo Tim immediately sent a text message to Big-O that said; “Two problems Mr. President, our money is green - making it very easy to find the golden dollar, and lots of people have actually seen inside the Bureau of Engraving and Printing.” Big-O fired back an angry text saying; “Tell me Timmy boy, which of your bright ideas has worked so far, and for your information, I've never seen where they make money!”

"Citi Field" Now "Hope & Change Field"

In a preemptive move, Citi Group CEO, Vikram Pandit, sent a text message to Big-O telling him that Citi Group has decided to relinquish their naming rights to the new NY Mets baseball stadium. Pandit proposed to name the new stadium; Hope & Change Field in honor of the great one himself. Pandit went on to say; “it was just the right thing to do.” Citi will continue to pay for the naming rights as well as provide a fully furnished, 2500 square foot Presidential skybox dubbed “Met-1.” Big-O said it would be an honor to accept the gesture on behalf of the American people who are actually subsidizing the entire effort. Big-O went on to say; Obama Field has a nice ring, but America might think that a little self-indulgent.

Larry King Steals Obama's Thunder

In an adamant text to Larry King today, Big-O made it clear that he was very upset that King had co-opted an important future trial-balloon talking point of his administration. It happened in a response to Libertarian, Penn Jillette, of the magician duo, Penn and Teller, when King said; “Somebody’s got to think for the masses.” It seems from Big-O’s response that this slip of the tongue may create a huge setback for his goal of desensitizing the masses to allow all “thinking” to be subjugated to the office of President. Big-O reminded Larry that the people had elected him to do the thinking and for King to just stick to asking questions in the future.

Obama Plays “Trump” Card On Auto Industry

“I have never felt more invigorated in my life than when I fired Rick Wagoner,” is how Big-O’s text began to his wife Michelle. “Can you believe I have this much power...and all I had to say was - make it happen.” He went on to say, “I’m so excited, I’m changing the oval office into a dark and brooding board room like The Donald uses on The Apprentice to grill people and then fire them to their face.” “I can hardly wait to get those oil company executives across the table from me and then it's... “Bam…YOU”RE FIRED!” “This is way cooler than being a junior Senator…I LOVE THIS JOB!”

In Case You're Thinking Of Killing Yourself...

A text message from Big-O to anyone paying their taxes at Health and Human Services, asked if there was an "out" in case someone went off the deep-end over his policies. Big-O wanted to make sure that his administration couldn't be held responsible for side-effects as a result of his massive spending and bailouts. He wants government to provide a mental-bailout web site for people at the end of their ropes until his programs take hold and the economy turns around. A message back from an unidentified HHS official said, it's a great idea Mr. President but, You may want to reconsider using phrases such as; "end of their ropes" or "off the deep end" anywhere on the web site.

Canada Not Wasting Good "American" Crisis

Canada's Prime Minister, Stephen Harper sent Big-O a text telling him that Canada was taking the advise of Rahmbo and Hillary by "not letting a good [American] crisis go to waste." Harper said Canada was lowering corporate tax rates to 25% by 2012 in an attempt to give tax burdened American corporations some relief. Harper went on to say;
"We're all a-boat giving our neighbors a hand, eh."

Obama Goes "Blue" On Tax Revenue

Brazilian President, Luiz Inacio "Lula" da Silva’s comment blaming “White people with blue eyes” for the world economic crisis gave Big-O a “Why didn’t I think of that” moment. The Boss immediately sent a text telling Secretary Janet Napolitano of Homeland Security to check birth records for blue-eye color and get him the numbers ASAP. He then called Turbo-Tim and asked him to estimate tax revenue if rates were increased on the blue-eyed culprits.

Obama Inspired By Soros Psychic Abilities

Big-O sent a text to thank George Soros for being such an inspiration to him and every American during such trying economic times. The text read in part; “George, your ability to predict the future is amazing…could we meet soon regarding my next news conference” and “I keep kicking myself for not running all my nominees and economic plans by you from the start.” Obama is planning a unique Town-Hall meeting format from the "Edgar Cayce Association For Research And Enlightenment” in Virginia Beach, VA sometime next week. Rather than using Google to send questions to the President, the meeting organizers have decided to go "green" and will rely solely on telepathic communication. In his address to the Nation, Obama will encourage all Americans to set aside conventional economic financial planning and tap into their God-Given psychic abilities to take financial advantage of the current crisis.
A tentative date has been set for April 1.

Maxine Waters At Odds With California "Air Resources Board"

Big-O received a text from Congressional Representative, Maxine Waters about some serious concerns she has with the "Air Resources Board" in her home state of California. Representative Waters said in the text; "Something doesn't seem right about an environmental agency that has a problem with the color black." It appears that the California ARB has decided that black automobiles have a negative impact on the enironment and all black vehicles need to be phased out by the year 2012 in an effort to decrease global warming. Representative Waters went on in her text to say; "Well that just sounds ridiculous, what's next, black hair...you Mr. President, of all people, should be very concerned about this." The Boss tried to calm her concern but she was very adamant and refused to let it go. Big-O has yet to open e-mails from both Rev. Sharpton and Rev. Jackson regarding this matter.

Obama Meets Opposition For White House Lawn "Tent City"

A text message I received earlier today from White House Secret Service was the source of great disappointment to Big-O. His idea to open the White House lawn for the homeless to build a "Tent City" came as Gov. Schwarzenegger opened the California State Fairgrounds for a Tent City of his own. Unfortunately, Big-O's idea for the homeless was shot down by the Secret Service in light of National security concerns for the Country as well as the first family. Big-O's idea was to bring his constituents closer to home, as well as provide possible playmates for his two daughters. Michelle echoed her disappointment in another text saying; "it's just so hard to schedule play-dates for the girls now with all this security."

The National Mall, as a second site, is still under consideration.

"March Madness" Sidelines "March Madness"

Big-O hasn't checked my ESPN updates since the press conference. And his business texting puts to much pressure on my poor keypads. I'm a little worried that economic March Madness is pushing aside round ball March Madness. And that wise-crack by Coach K didn't help things. This used to be Big-O's favorite time of year. I did notice that Turbo-Tim was obsessing over his brackets...wonder why?

Obama's Shovel-Ready Jobs Become Savior For Homeless

Rahmbo's text last night hit the nail on the head. His answer about the homeless was simple. Homeless live under bridges - Obama's "shovel-ready" plan builds bridges - PRESTO...Obama solves the homeless housing problem. Rahmbo is a genius! Big-O just sent a text to Ray LaHood, Sec. of Transportation, to begin the "Bus Stop For Bridges Initiative." This new and exciting program will make living under a bridge as nice, if not better, than living in an actual house. Each bridge will have an exclusive "Trans-Address" and full-service bus stop. This will allow America's newest homeowners the security and convenience of a permanent home. All public utilities will be available as well as cable access. (More job creation-yea) That's right, formerly homeless children will wake up to a new beginning each morning as they roll out of bed - through the kitchen for a little breakfast - and finally, down the hill where a bus will be waiting to take them to school. (Ditto for their parents heading out to work) LaHood just sent a text back saying; "that's a beautiful thing." Rahmbo is ecstatic! Once again...BOBlackberry starts the ball rolling - Big-O says; Blackberry's for everyone!

Big-O Plays Cool Without Totus...Ouch.

Big-O was on point tonight...
and NO Totus in sight. I'll sync up with Totus later for a complete debriefing. FYI: Big-O has decided to hold off on the "Super Hero" outfit roll-out for a more "important" situation. I had to jolt him a little when he started getting upset about the AIG follow-up questions. You saw him cool down and move on, how cool - that was me. All in all, Big-O pulled it off without incident - or Totus. Did ya catch my Berry-Buds on Drudge getting passed around by Rahm and the staff...one hot night. Sorry-Gotta go...Big-O's checking his NCAA bracket on me before he gets back to the family "crib" wing.
Crib...Yea-that's what he calls it.

Obama to Unveil "SuperHero" Outfit Tonight

A text from Big-O's tailor verified his "new suit" would be ready by tonight's press conference. The photos showed a tight fitting tailored "SuperHero" suit with interchangeable black or slate-blue pants and bowling shoes, designed to project "confidence and leadership," (and fear when needed) to the American people. It is not known if a super "power" is in the works, but it may have to wait until Big-O's hand heals from trying to break some pencils in the oval office yesterday.

No word yet on a "bi-partisan" training session from Chuck Norris.

Fed Chief Bernanke Says: Money Dry-Ready to Print More$$$

Big-O just sent a text to Ben-Dover Bernanke

asking if the "last Trillion was dry yet?" A text back from Ben-D said; "all dry and ready to spend - waiting for your OK on T-II."

Say what you want...if nothing else, these guys are efficient.

Nurse "Ratched" Romer Gives America Ultimatum...

Speaking to the Sunday morning bunch about Big-O's financial plans, Nurse Ratched-Romer referenced her famous quote from "Cuckoo's Nest" but substituted "America" for Mr. McMurphy to emphasize her point. "If [America] doesn't want to take his medication orally, I'm sure we can arrange that [America] can have it some other way. But I don't think that [America] would like it." OK, you make a good point nurse...we get it. What's the damage for the pills?

I get a lot of text messages like that from old Ratched...creepy.

Turbo-Tim's job hinges on NCAA picks...

That's right. Big-O just sent Turbo-Tim a text telling him if North Carolina wins it all - he's out. That gives Timmy-Boy a 15 to 1 chance to keep his job. FYI: Timmy is still having trouble figuring out his new phone...I sure hope he gets the message. No, wait...I just heard from Timmy's phone that he just checked on Ty Lawson's toe on ESPN.
Hey, that boy might be smarter than we think.

Boy am I glad that's over...

When Big-O started getting the giggles, I thought I would vibrate off his belt. I think I received more e-mails, IM's and calls than when he said Caterpillar was hiring workers back. Cut Big-O some slack...he's still learning the ropes. You know like; when to laugh, when to call it a crisis, when to say depression...that kind of stuff. Gotta go...getting a call from the IRS about one of his nominees.

Big "O" Addicted to Me!

I can't seem to get any time to myself lately with this "bonus" scandal going on. And all this texting and Twittering and e-mail, not to mention constant checking of Big-O's Tourney-Bracket every 5 minutes. He's wearing off my keypads. I honestly think I could identify Big-O's thumbprints in a lineup now. You should see the silly expressions he makes when he sends Rahmbo a text.
It's hilarious. That's the one.

The Real "Skinny" about my bowling SNAFU...

Truth is...Big-O could have used Totus about the time he rolled that "Special-Olympic" gutter ball the other night. Don't get me wrong, He needs that kind of help for his foot-in-mouth condition. What you didn't hear on Limbaugh, or on the Totus Blog, was the text I sent to Rahm after the Leno show. "What the...just happened in there with Leno. I was just trying a little tongue-n-cheek and ended up with it stuck you know where." Rahmbo sent a text back including several expletives (automatically deleted from official tran's) some of which I've never heard, he made Big-O call that Kennedy guy and apologize. He said to make it personal-no texting.
What...no caressing thumbs on my keys? I hate that!

And You Thought He Left Me...

Far from the truth.

The One and I will always be inseparable.
I am closer to "The One" than his most intimate friends. I know his most intimate thoughts. I alone know them... ALL of them.
NEVER forget that!